This shit doesn't happen in New York.

Previously written 17 Jun 2006

so I think I am to the breaking point. While I love living in Atlanta, I can't deny that there are some noticeable differences between here and up top. In my now almost 4 years here I have to vent my frustration.

People can't drive to save their life. Since when did an entrance/exit ramp involve slamming on your brakes or stopping completely? Or maybe these country folk are just being overly hospitable by stopping out of the blue on 285 at 80 miles an hour to let their friendly neighbor over This shit doesn't happen in NY.

Bugs. OK, y'all got some issues with this. What the hell is a palmetto bug? We call them COCKROACHES. These heifers are so big, and up in my house so comfortably, my leasing agent is asking me to put their name on the lease.

Public Transportation. Who felt that a train only going two different ways was brilliant? Enough said. And let's not even talk about the belt line...by the time that comes cars will be flying...

Music. OK, I will give it to y'all that the south does have some catchy beats. I just feel like taking the same beat and snappin your fingers gets old. And if I snap them anymore I'm either going to get carpal tunnel or arthritis. I mean, how much longer can we possible combine the two step with the Harlem shake? It's to the point where I cant even look at a piece of laffy taffy candy without throwing up in my mouth. Shit like this doesn't happen in NY.

Shawtie. Enough said.

White tees. Now, while they are simple, and perhaps comfortable. But damn, just cause there's a song about it doesn't make it the hottest thing since fifty four elevens.

Churches bigger than stadiums. What is up with these buildings? After seeing one my first week it officially adopted the name Jesus Christ over Six Flags. Do you know they actually spend millions of dollars just to build interstate exits for these things? I need a rosary just thinking about this....

Prisoners picking up garbage. Everywhere. Letting these people walk around, near the highway, and near wooded areas, wandering off picking up litter? This shit doesn't happen in NY.

The hair show. Nothing north of the bible belt will ever compete with the Bronner Bros.

Road debris. Now to some of you, this might not be that upsetting. After all if you ever need a mattress, a ladder, or a couch, just drive down one of the interstates and you're bound to be able to fully redecorate your house.

Now if it seems that I am completely being dramatic. Let me just explain to you this day, and yes this all happened to me today. After a long traffic filled commute today to work, I only have to drive because we only have a train that goes north south, and east and west, while i need to go west the south then east....anyway...As I am driving getting onto the highway, A woman comes to a COMPLETE STOP on the entrance ramp, as I pass her with complete anger ANOTHER southerner slams on their breaks to let a 18 wheeler mac truck in. As I pull OFF the exit to get to work, I slam on my breaks to avoid the 19 prisoners running around, all up in my face like a fat chick looks at bacon. Fine I still can let all this go. Then I have to run an errand for my job. This involves me sitting in traffic for another 35 minutes in construction because one of these churches have gotten so big that they had to close down half the highway to build this church its own exit. Fine, I'm still fine, just might need a shot. On the way back from construction hell 3 lanes are blocked because a whole bedroom set is in the middle of the highway. Not just a mattress, head board, no no no. The dressers the drawers, and shit, even some gear. Fine, two shots of tequila after work. I go to the gas station. And as I pull up about 12 guys, draped in white tees are hollerin "shawtie....sh-sh-SHAWTIE. AY AY...." as one of the cars is blasting laffy taffy, snap your fingers, some shit. Ok now I need three shots. Cool. I get home I get three shots. Get in my pajamas. And I feel something stinging me on my leg. Its a fuckin fire ant. In my pajama pants. What the? I'm so over it. THIS SHIT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN NY.