Equal Oppurtunity Employer

So in the event that all my friends have slowly but surely confirmed that I don't have any standards- let me just say in my defense- OK well I don't have an excuse other than I attempted to have certain standards that I insisted in a partner...

Many women at one point or another have made....the list. The list of things we want in a man, attributes that are worth listing, characteristics and habits that we would rather poke our eye's out with a paperclip than deal with.... It's kind of like our own recipe for success. But with any other attempt at a new dish, you miss a few ingredients....you rather go hungry....

I think I fucked up my own list. First problem? I had one when I was like 7. Considering my age, the only thing on that list should of been a boy who didn't tell me I had cooties, or smacked me around the monkey bars to show that he liked me. Over time, my list got ridiculously, obnoxiously long. And even though I was creating the ultimate man ( keeping in mind that I wasn't being too outlandish) , over time, I crossed out a majority of my list. Here in chronological order, are a sample of my lists.

Age 7:
1. Loves New Kids on the Block
2. Wants 4 kids when we get married, and will let me name them
3. Says please and thank you

Age 13
1. Doesn't even know what NKOTB stands for
2. Wants 4 kids when we get married, and will let me name them
3. Has his own bike
4. Says please and thank you

Age 18: (this one was cut dramatically for reader saving purposes)
1. Wants 4 kids when we get married, and will let me name them
2. Knows not to wear brown shoes with a black belt
3. Has his own mode of transportation, and knows how to drive
4. Has nice, clean shoes
5. Gorgeous
6. Nice smile
7. On the road to college, or somehow furthering his education
8. Loyal
9. Honest
10. Incredible sense of humor that appreciates my sense of humor.
11. Respectful
12. No probation officer to report to
13. Has a job
14. Says please and thank you

Age 21:
1. Wants 4 kids when we get married, at least two of them being from me.....
2. Understands why I wont let him walk out of the house with brown shoes and a black belt
3. Has access to some type of mode of transportation, and has a permit
4. Will keep the shoes I buy him clean
5. Attractive
6. On the road that potentially, not guaranteed, will lead him to furthering his education
7. You could say he's somewhat loyal and honest
8. Somewhat of a sense of humor, and can laugh at half my jokes.
9. No probation or parole officer to report to
10. Has a job and or in the stages of a final interview, and doesn't make beats.
11. Says please and thank you

Age 24:
1. Doesn't have four kids by the time we get married
2. Just knows how to drive
3. Mildly attractive
4. Has at least his GED
5. Sense of humor that will laugh at one fifth of my jokes
6. Is willing to work, and doesn't make beats.
7. Says please and thank you

Currently
1. Says please and thank you



Let's just hope I currently am not asking for too much.