OH LAWD get me through the month

So yeah, B, you know the broke ass bitch...he sucks. Went up in the job, made him sign a piece of paper, cause I will Judge Judy dat ass...and you think he's givin me any money? NO. you think a grown man with two jobs could afford less that $100 a week in rent and utilities?NO. I gave him two weeks called him, he didn't answer. Texted him telling him I needed to meet up with him and get some money....do you know that this broke ass dude called me screamin on ME. HA. Telling me he didn't appreciate me coming up to his job, which he forgets, I worked there for 4 years, worked there before this broke ass man even knew where it was. And he most definately didn't appreciate me texting him. What was I supposed to do ask you hows the family, the weather....NO. The only thing I have to say to him is about getting my money. Conveniently he threatened his wife on me-because all of a sudden they care about each other, suprised he didn't threaten me with his two chics on the side as well... Ironic that both my brother's car window and my car window got smashed out the night I made him sign that paperwork...hmmm. So I pulled a Judge Judy, he wants to go Jerry Springer on me. REAL MATURE. But you know, if he couldn't afford less than a $100/wk, I don't know how he is gonna afford $750+ a month. He will crash and burn financially. TRUST AND BELIEVE. And you know what? I'll still be surviving, in my $850+, on my own and still being owed that money that it took to help his broke ass out.
UUGGGH hate men who can't do anything for themselves but wanna claim being grown.

In other news, I moved. Finally. Yeah that story's a bitch. Considering I was moving to my new apartment, left just to go back to my old home for the night. BAM. Freakin Tornado. They since have moved me into the same complex, different building, to a unit that I absolutely can't afford and will have to move again in 4 months as soon as my original unit is labeled "habitable." But I guess I can ride the free upgrade for as long as possible.., :)

This MF....

so what had happened was, my brother moved out of our lease..in the middle of it. Left his $800/wk job to go make $300 week. Left sunny Atlanta, for the dreary armpit of the nation...Upstate NY. All for some pussy, i.e. his girlfriend. (Mild haterade tone due to the fact that apparently the only man I have met thus far to make these types of sacrifices...is related to me...)

Anywhoo... In comes scumbag #9,324 of my life. Great. Some one to pay my brothers rent, it'll help him out, I'm all for it. My brother gets to stay in the armpit of the nation chasin after his girl, I get to keep my incredibly affordable newly remodeled 3 bedroom 2 bathroom home I have found in downtown for $995.00/month. Well, scumbag #9,324, let's call him...B- and no that's not a coincidence that B stands for Broke ass Bitch. So I meet B through a friend, we become acquainted, he moves in. It's cool for like a day. Cause instantly he's comin up with some bullshit as to why he doesn't have any money. How does he not have any money? He works two jobs, his child support isn't unrealistic, he drives a car with like 150,000 miles on it...what the hell is goin on? But I'll be patient. I'll work with him-like a DUMB BITCH. We got to a point where we didn't even speak when we saw each other in the house, walking past each other like we never met. I don't know why our relationship turned like that. We used to be cool. He became one of those people that just drove me the fuck insane. Prolly cause he owed me so much damn money but...He would actually use my laundry detergent, and if it ran out he had his own stash in his bedroom. Who the hell hoards laundry detergent. Never took the garbage out. Would pile it under the kitchen sink in a small can until you could barely shut the door. Oh and my favorite...Would take my laundry out of the WASHER, and just leave it wet in random cardboard boxes. Never contributed to any household products of any sort...would turn the heat up to 83 and leave it on all day while he was at work. Why'd he care he wasn't paying for shit...

I have tried to think of reasons why he started acting stank all of a sudden....Is he embarrassed (side note: he should be ashamed that he couldn't afford to come out of pocked $400.00/month flat fee for everything)? Was he too busy having his wife in my house during the day, and his girlfriend there at night, and incorporating a female roommate into conversation was just to complicated for him? Iunoo...

Where's a bitches money? I don't give a fuck if he was humping Asexual midgets in that room, or if he was selling his rotten penis for $2 a hit....Just bring me my money. His total balance is $660 that he owes me. His excuse was he had to put down a deposit for his own place since the lease at the house was up. Now, if he was a smart, considerate person he would say..."Damn, I don't have shit. I prolly ain't gon' have shit for a while...lemme move into a rent by the room where my broke ass was before." Nooo....he didn't say that to me, whom has a whole house full a'shit that I can't just go stay at some sleazy motel, or by the lot at some dirty trailer park. He boldly looked in my face and explained why he and his 2 laundry baskets of clothes, and 1 pool stick, deserved to move into a new place....while I get to sit around like retard waiting for this money to come, that, p.s. ain't never coming....

He changed his phone number the day before he moved out, finally called me....on some yet again broke as a joke bullshit. Said he would call me Monday with my money. Monday came and went. Tuesday, I blew the hell up out of his phone. When I wasn't callin, my girl was, when she wasn't callin my ex was. So I hear my ex smackin his gums this morning, huffin and puffin, cursing in his foreign language of backwoods Trinidadian...I wake up, ask what's wrong....This MF turned his phone off. Not off as in to voicemail. OFF as in it's disconnected. Now maybe his broke ass didn't pay the bill, but what are the chances....Looks like Bella gonna hafta run up in the job today...cause I know where BOTH his jobs are, and his new apartment. I will get my $660.00 worth of driving this man insane. He's gonna be so sick of me that he's gonna have to grow back his hair just to pull that shit out...

As for someone who takes pride in watching all those damn shows:Judge Judy, Maria Lopez, Mathis, Joe Brown, this list goes on...I should have gotten all this dumb shit in writing saying he owes me money.
I fucked up. I should have kicked his broke ass to the curb. I shoulda stolen his ATM card. I shoulda told his wife about his girlfriend...I guess from now on if a grown ass man looks broke, smells broke, acts broke, and tries to move into my house with two laundry baskets and a pool stick. I guess I'll have to send his broke ass back to where he came from.

They're not makin love no more...

they took us through five steps, April Showers, made us realize who's sleepin in what bed, and they never made a promise they couldn't keep...and apparently, they aren't getting back together.

I'm devastated. No really. Was anybody else elated for the Dru Hill reunion...It came and went faster than the buffet at an Italian wedding.

And the shenanigans were taped.....



*tear

☼Peace☼Love☼ shit just Peace and Love

Short sex is "better" but men like it "longer"

As I was trying so desperately not to pull my hair out at work from sheer boredom, I stumbled across this lovely article.

"Short sex is 'better,' but men like it 'longer'"

Bella's EX's unite! Finally a club you can join besides Rent-A-Center's collection list, and Bootleg Hustler's anonymous.

According to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the best sex should last between seven and thirteen minutes (ironic, two of the most superstitious and evil numbers.)

the full article as follows:

Premature ejaculators of the world, take heart. Scientific research is now on your side.
According to a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the best sex should last between seven and 13 minutes. The report, which surveyed a random sample of Americans and Canadians, also found that most people considered sex lasting three to seven minutes "adequate," and most thought sex for over 13 minutes was "too long."
Other recent studies show that while most people in the United States expect sex to last between 15 and 20 minutes, it is generally over in about half that time.
Interestingly, in response to the survey, Australian sex therapist Jane Howard noted that women are generally happy with a quick hit, while men tend not to be."There is a major gender difference in this area," Dr Howard is quoted as saying. "Usually women are quite happy with short intercourse, and are not bothered about prolonging it at all, but nearly all men want it to be much, much longer." The money shot: Let's hear it, boys. Do you like it longer or shorter than ten minutes?

I love it. After all these years of hearing men talk about they can go all night, their stamina is the shit, they go hard...yeah boo, for 8.2 minutes. But don't get it twisted. We aren't mad, y'all are. We're over it. Hit it, quit it, and split it, was that phrase in reference to gettin rid of that chic you thought was fine in the club (that was until you saw her under those glamorous fluorescent lights at the waffle house...) Is it because that's what you got, and you aren't happy about it so you gotta bounce? Who knows who they asked for this article but I got plenty of people I know who aren't happy with no damn three minutes. I mean can we get through a whole R. Kelly song, not even the remix, just a four, four and a half minute R. song...?

This leads me to a question I have been wondering about for yeeeeears. Do men know when they're whack? Better yet, do they know that they frontin like their size isn't that of a 4 year old. {Now this isn't a man bashing session, but for future reference don't get too comfortable...}
I know that their girls, their exes, somebody in some locker room must have told you that you aren't workin with salami, more like a SlimJim. I mean, it doesn't bother me, per se. I know it's not an inchworm on your leg, I know it's not gonna squeak if I touch it...and it's definitely not growing even if I water it. The problem lies in the cockiness, pun intended. If you know you're not blessed, don't run around acting like your shit is so big you could bang a car wash, spear fish with it, or that it has it's own commemorative stamp. Accept the truth and move on... figure out something else: figure out how to give great head. Oh and by the way, that something else might just get all your meals cooked for the next week, your laundry done, and maybe even your light bill paid. Trust and believe none of that was happening with your night crawler barely pokin in a female for an average of 8.2 minutes.

xoxo
Peace☼Love☼ And great, highly anticipated, hopefully not overestimated, more than 3 minute Sex.

This shit doesn't happen in New York.

Previously written 17 Jun 2006

so I think I am to the breaking point. While I love living in Atlanta, I can't deny that there are some noticeable differences between here and up top. In my now almost 4 years here I have to vent my frustration.

People can't drive to save their life. Since when did an entrance/exit ramp involve slamming on your brakes or stopping completely? Or maybe these country folk are just being overly hospitable by stopping out of the blue on 285 at 80 miles an hour to let their friendly neighbor over This shit doesn't happen in NY.

Bugs. OK, y'all got some issues with this. What the hell is a palmetto bug? We call them COCKROACHES. These heifers are so big, and up in my house so comfortably, my leasing agent is asking me to put their name on the lease.

Public Transportation. Who felt that a train only going two different ways was brilliant? Enough said. And let's not even talk about the belt line...by the time that comes cars will be flying...

Music. OK, I will give it to y'all that the south does have some catchy beats. I just feel like taking the same beat and snappin your fingers gets old. And if I snap them anymore I'm either going to get carpal tunnel or arthritis. I mean, how much longer can we possible combine the two step with the Harlem shake? It's to the point where I cant even look at a piece of laffy taffy candy without throwing up in my mouth. Shit like this doesn't happen in NY.

Shawtie. Enough said.

White tees. Now, while they are simple, and perhaps comfortable. But damn, just cause there's a song about it doesn't make it the hottest thing since fifty four elevens.

Churches bigger than stadiums. What is up with these buildings? After seeing one my first week it officially adopted the name Jesus Christ over Six Flags. Do you know they actually spend millions of dollars just to build interstate exits for these things? I need a rosary just thinking about this....

Prisoners picking up garbage. Everywhere. Letting these people walk around, near the highway, and near wooded areas, wandering off picking up litter? This shit doesn't happen in NY.

The hair show. Nothing north of the bible belt will ever compete with the Bronner Bros.

Road debris. Now to some of you, this might not be that upsetting. After all if you ever need a mattress, a ladder, or a couch, just drive down one of the interstates and you're bound to be able to fully redecorate your house.

Now if it seems that I am completely being dramatic. Let me just explain to you this day, and yes this all happened to me today. After a long traffic filled commute today to work, I only have to drive because we only have a train that goes north south, and east and west, while i need to go west the south then east....anyway...As I am driving getting onto the highway, A woman comes to a COMPLETE STOP on the entrance ramp, as I pass her with complete anger ANOTHER southerner slams on their breaks to let a 18 wheeler mac truck in. As I pull OFF the exit to get to work, I slam on my breaks to avoid the 19 prisoners running around, all up in my face like a fat chick looks at bacon. Fine I still can let all this go. Then I have to run an errand for my job. This involves me sitting in traffic for another 35 minutes in construction because one of these churches have gotten so big that they had to close down half the highway to build this church its own exit. Fine, I'm still fine, just might need a shot. On the way back from construction hell 3 lanes are blocked because a whole bedroom set is in the middle of the highway. Not just a mattress, head board, no no no. The dressers the drawers, and shit, even some gear. Fine, two shots of tequila after work. I go to the gas station. And as I pull up about 12 guys, draped in white tees are hollerin "shawtie....sh-sh-SHAWTIE. AY AY...." as one of the cars is blasting laffy taffy, snap your fingers, some shit. Ok now I need three shots. Cool. I get home I get three shots. Get in my pajamas. And I feel something stinging me on my leg. Its a fuckin fire ant. In my pajama pants. What the? I'm so over it. THIS SHIT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN NY.

Drama only comes in a restricted phone call

OK, so if I have ever learned anything in the past ten years of life its that *67 at times can be your best friend. But ladies and gentleman I promise, it can become your worst nightmare. Now I don't know about y'all but when my phone rings through unavailable, restricted, or private- it's bad business. In fact you call me from a restricted number you gonna get the rudest most gully attitude an Italian could ever put down. And here are a few reasons why *67 aren't doin it for me.

Ladies: It could be that psycho ex boyfriend tryin to call, somebody's baby mama tryin to track down this fool like we supposed to know where they at, Your new mans ex-girl callin with her friends just breathin in the phone like she the new cast member of star wars, your man's girl on the side causin all sorts of drama.....just DRAMA.

And fellas this restricted caller ID conspiracy effects you too. Who you think calls you five times when yours triflin' behind was supposed to be home 4 hours ago? Who do you think calls and hangs up just to make sure your phone was workin when you didn't call? or calls on restricted after we called you from our unblocked number and you didn't answer? or how bout callin from restricted and tryin to crack into your voicemail....just DRAMA.

And this isn't true in all cases. Hell I've been through all that, but now I get the fun twist in the unavailable call history reports. Creditors. Oh you know they thought they were smart when they figured this shit out. Callin me on restricted thinkin I'm gonna answer. Well you know what I got for them. They got their own ringtone. Yup you got it. All incoming unavailable numbers have now been designated Wu-Tang Clans "CREAM" ringtone. Now i Hear that, that phone can be in the bottom of my purse and guess what, it's gonna stay there. I didn't have their money last month, I don't have it this month, and my logic reasoning can only come up with this hypothesis : they aren't gettin it next month. So I'm not answering. And if I do answer because they got their act together and hit *82, I tell them that Cristina isn't here, she went to rehab, holla back in 6 months. And if 6 months passes and they still are calling, I tell them I relapsed. So sorry.

I just think that some scandalous person designed this system. Parole officers, private detectives, some psychotic scandalous baby mamma, and apparently telemarketers and bill collectors. Just warning people. Beware. Do not pick up your phone. If we ban together on this issue *67 will become a thing of the past and we can all know who is blowin us up. Besides you can only hear Cash rules everything around me, CREAM, get the money, DOlla Dolla Bills y'all so many times until you want to put Drano on your q-tips.