unleashing of the vajayjay and whack self defense mechanisms

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
Good afternoon
And we are gathered here for the game of your life (lovely! lovely!)
I want to see yuh put yuh flags up in de air right now
Sing!

Ahhh It is that time of year again. The soca songs are banging out of the five speeds. The west indians flags are blowing in the wind in every direction it is Atlanta Carnival. And I am the Italian Soca Warrior. It is the one weekend a year where I can cut loose. I can party from 10 pm to 8 am. I can wear sneakers to every party. Where breakfast is served outside of every club. Where everyone is just there to have a good time. Hopefully this year I won't be that drunk white girl getting escorted out of the club but that's a different story for another day.

Getting my rags and flags together...It will be a different kind of weekend. The usual Trini crew won't be there. Well technically they will be there, I will just not be rolling with them. I, like any good ex girl friend will be using my resources and hit the crew up for all good purposes to get in to every party possible, so me and my friends don't have to pay any covers or wait in any lines :)

Speaking of piece of shit Trinis, well okay, NOW that we are on the subject, J texts me again yesterday "Hello Angel!! I hope you are having a good day...."
A few minutes later, after no response, being that my head was still so crooked and my eyes still cross-eyed at the screen, he sends me : " If you are not having a good day I hope this helps: May Jah's blessings of joy and love always speak through our hearts and keep us on a path that is sure!"

can I just say...what the fuck? OK. Now let me just stop and say that I already double checked, and the the message a few days ago was apparently no accident. But these two? I am beginning to think that there are two Bellas in his phonebook and he is accidentally texting me instead. While outlandish, it is something that I have to tell myself. It is a complete and utter whack self defense mechanism but it's all I gots right now. Why else would this man pull this shit out of his ass two months later. Now granted we are going to probably be running into each other socially this weekend alot more in comparison to what we have been the past two months, but really dude. I'm about as confused as Jenna Jameson in a convent. Let's just say that I really am starting to feel like I have a few characters turning my life into a LIFETIME MOVIE NETWORK SAGA.

And since we are talking about confusing men and all. Lets talk about BS. And those were really his initials. Shoulda been sign number one huh? But nooo...Bella wants to be hard headed. I meet this guy at the soca club. Shoulda been sign number two huh? But nooo...Bella wants to have a soft ass too. So he's cool. We do like this double date thing-a-muh-jig. Our friends don't click. But we all click as a group. Like we really all got along reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally well. Like too well. Like freakishly well. Anyway BS totally boo-ed me up. No, really. Boo-ed me up. I mean callin me, textin me, tellin me he was missin me. Yeah, I fell for it. Granted I am a sucker for a man who will say and do all the right things, especially around the completely over-rated consumer fed Valentines Day. Which was right around the time we....I....He....it....the vajayjay was unleashed. It was good. We vibed. The sex talk was ridiculous. He said god awful things. Things a girl would never want to hear. I mean. ***Whispering***(so happy this page is for authorized audiences only) He actually told me he wanted to be the last piece of well, you know, in me. You know my legs froze on that one. Kegals stood at attention. What the bloooooooooooooooodclot was that dread? So I tried so badly to let that slide. But he said it the next time we, you know.

Oh. Wait. I left out a very important part about our relationship. Its span was about......9 days. And then he fell off the face of the earth. Hmmmm. Wonder why that was. Good thing he wasn't the last Captain Snickerdoodle to rock my docks. I would have been assed out. He then suddenly resurfaced months later with some fuckery about how he lost his phone, rah rah rah, had to go through his phone bills to find my number. BOOOOOOOOOOO. Well too bad for BS. Did I mention that I am fully aware that I unleashed the chocha way too soon. I understand that I brought his disappearance on myself, and I am completely okay with that. I even remain cool with his homeboy, Q. Q and I kept it cool on myspace. And q, my girl and I even clubbed it one weekend. Unfortunately my coolness with Q has led him to think that it's appropriate to invite BS out on my weekend of carefreeness (which isn't really that carefree since I need to worry about staying between that perfect level of drunk but not ignorantly drunk, while having a ridiculous amount of fun and trying to maintain my beautiful composure at the risk of running into J at any given moment at any given party).

Ooooooooooooh THIS is gonna be fun.