so, I am self-loathing....listening to the my favorite latest-i-cant take this anymore-emotional fuckery music. As follows.
As I listen in the my bathroom this morning....I hear Sean Kingston "Take you there" blaring. Normally I wouldn't have this as a ringtone on my phone, but being that J said before our trip to TNT, that it reminded him of us....I notice-Hmmm, that's J's ringtone...It stops. Then it plays again. Wow two phone calls at 7:30 A.M. "Okay Bella. Get it together. You know you want to answer it, but run away like it's Syphilis calling to hang out." So I don't hit ignore, I just don't answer.
My friend calls, damn it's 8 AM. He called her. She didn't answer as she was walking into class. She checks her facebook, he emails her asking for an update about me. 11:30 rolls around and Sean Kingston starts singing again. "Okay Bella. SYPHILIS. Don't pick it up...." And I don't. He speaks with my friend when she got out of class. He tells her he misses me, he asks her how I'm doing. Says he wasn't going to be juvenile and call restricted. He wanted to see if I was financially okay for my vacation next week...but he tells her the call was a moment of weakness. (Rather three separate moments of weakness, two phone calls of weakness to my girl, and a facebook moment of weakness, but who's counting?)
I must admit, the fact J claimed it was just a moment of weakness bothered me. But I realized, he's right. Our whole relationship has been full of moments of weakness. Too weak for him to stay away, stick to his word of not wanting a relationship, stick to his game plan of not treating me like his girlfriend. I just can't react to a situation classified as a moment of weakness. I have had 11+ days of hours of weakness, and after all he is just having a few moments? No thanks. I'll attempt and hopefully continue to stay strong, even if I have to tell myself it's crotch-rot calling.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
moment of weakness
Posted by Bella at 10:45 AM
Labels: love and relationships- I liked it better on Everyone Love's Raymond
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4 comments:
lmao thats my island boy's ringtone. we're both gay for that. lol
and yea the fact he verbalized it was a moment of "weakness" i would ask what he define's as STRONG? wouldnt it be strong to stop acting like a cunt and be with you already. strong to pick up the phone to call you realizding he's dead wront? he's already been acting weak.
totally. speaking of ringtones mine went from
1.) Time by Ne-Yo
2.)Dangerously in Love- Beyonce
3.) Ordinary Love-Alaine (sigh, we were obviously in a relationship)
4.) I just want it to be over- Keyshia Cole
funny how our relationship progressed through ringtones...
yeah....too bad he thinks he's strong regardless. but let's pray i dont succomb to any of my own moments....
you might. but dont get down on yourself if you do. love makes us all weak.
im tryin my hardest. we also work together, but he has had the last week+ off...ill see him regardless, its just going to be hard to put up a front like im not hurt...or bitter :)
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