the lesser of two evils....and my letter to the devil.

So, I've done it again. I went digging for something I didn't want to find. Sure your emails, phone, text messages, and facebook are NONE of my business. Rummaging frantically, my heart pounding, my pulse making my fingertips lose control, my heart in my throat, my neck so crooked and sideways you would think the damn emails are upside down. Oh, and let's just add sweating profusely to the recipe. But I had to....I just absolutely-one-hundred-percent needed to go through your shit like the discount bins at TJMAXX. After all you are not honest with it. You don't tell me the truth. Maybe if you change your passwords after you give them to me, or don't use my computer and then forget to sign off, I would have never found out after 2.5 years, that not only do you feel you haven't met anyone worthy of a relationship (yep that's what you told some random heifer on your facebook) but that you are now having an "intimate level" with your best friend. Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Hmmm, guess that hard-head-soft-ass comments my friends so jokingly refer to me as may be true. But even if I was wrong, for prying into your life like Jenny Jones, does it make your actions any less wrong? Isn't this what folk would call lying by MF omission?

On the other hand, maybe it's your fault. Maybe if you were more slick with your game, I would have never questioned it. Maybe if you were more slick with your phone, you wouldn't lock all the juicy messages and then forget your phone at my house, unchaperoned for 6 hours. Maybe you shouldn't have told me you loved me and that I was this absolutely gorgeous, amazingly entertaining, funny, charming. smart woman. Maybe you shouldn't have said "it's not that I don't want to be with you Bella, I don't want to be with anybody. But if I decided tomorrow to be in a relationship, it would be with you-absolutely." Maybe if you felt that "you hadn't met anyone worth settling down with" (per your email to that random chic) then you should have let me go years ago. You mean to tell me, that we are NOT in this absolutely confusing situation where we both care about each other on an incredibly-not-just-a-smashpiece level? News to MF ME!

But it's cool. Game peeps game. You want your cake and eat it too. You know I'm the best thing for you. I'm the best you can get (and no that's not being cocky, I've seen what you been working with boo.) My wise grandmother once said "you can't get walked all over unless your laying down." Granted, it sound much more eloquent in Italian. No more laying down for me. No more being your rug, doormat, car mat, throw rug....no mas. No more trading in my backbone for a wishbone. I've told you over and over again, there would be one day were the words wouldn't and couldn't save you anymore. Even though you were paying me just enough to come back the next day, one day the funds would be too low for me to return. I know in weeks, months, years from now I won't regret walking away. But you will regret losing me.

And no, calling my friends isn't working for you. The same thing I told YOUR friend, I'll tell you. OUR FRIENDS CAN'T save us. You aren't in any of my bitches top 5 so save yourself the trouble, energy, and my friends' limited remaining minutes for this month. Better luck next time.